On 2/14/2007, as you sipped cheap wine and attempted to woo whatever brave soul would accept your softly-squeaked dinner invitation, Brad Guigar lifted his head from the inkmines and celebrated a momentous occasion. It was 7 years prior, in the bright, sunny days of twenty-ought that Mr. Guigar began Greystone Inn, a comic strip. Greystone Inn soldiered on with its six-day-a-week update schedule for five years, four months, and seven days before exploding into virtual non-existence at the hands of its own creator. From these intentional ashes rose the corporate-savvy phoenix that was Evil, Inc. the very day after Greystone fell. Evil, Inc. has been Incking Evilly six days a week since.

And what have you been doing? You, with your lofty ambitions and chronic laziness? No daily updates, I can tell you that much. Sure, you may be puttering around with your site design every once in a while, but that doesn’t fill a book collection, does it? Mm-mmm. It doesn’t. That might get your server’s SMTP logs all a-hum, but it doesn’t do much for the itchy Internet eyes that are begging for the soothing drops your updates could provide. But there’s XBOX to be played, right? Wii controllers to throw at plasma screens? Family? Friends? Guigar doesn’t need any of that.

Did I mention that Mr. G has MORE comics than those already mentioned in this surly assault on your character? That’s right, just as you thought “Maybe he’s a little better than me”, I pull out another clip of self-esteem-piercing ammo in the form of Courting Disaster, a weekly sex comic, and Phables, a weekly comic about Philadelphia. Herr Guigar even self-syndicates his work to newspapers. When’s the last time your online offering hit the printed page? That copy of strip #1 you inkjetted up for your mom? You’re right, that’s practically the same thing.

“Pssht,” you’re thinking, “I can be that prolific.” Sure you can. Anyone can. But when you can follow in the heavy, hardcore footsteps of Brad Guigar and create 178 pages of fresh new, good content every week, you let me know. Send me an e-mail right here at aintnevergonnahappen@nuhuhnoway.whatever. Because when you’re Brad Guigar, writing and drawing upwards of 700 hours each and every week, the weight of the world is on your shoulders. But you? No way. You go back to creating YouTube videos and remembering that one time you didn’t miss an update for a full two days in a row. Brad will be there, toiling and turning the gears of this world. And doing it well.