Steve spent some time at Shanghai Disneyland recently and it only served to remind him that youthful infatuation is the same around the world, Chinese T-shirts can be horrifically offensive, and tube tops are always a bad idea on roller coasters. Meanwhile, Jason has a T-shirt that sends mixed signals to Russians and Americans alike.
If someone doesn’t know what popping and locking is, how do you show them? Steve wants to know. If you play video games around your kids, how do you hide your competitive ugliness? Jason wants to know. And everyone wants to know the best creative curses to utilize when the children are around.
Steve assumes any lady wearing matching underwear is up to something, so Jason helps him crank that up to 11. Also, have you really given the Dan Aykroyd getting his weiner touched by a ghost scene in Ghostbusters enough thought? The guys think not and offer their opinions and expertise.
Steve has been on the West Coast for all of a couple months and he thinks the East Coast needs to CHILL OUT. The Midwest simply says, “meh.” Also, the guys talk about why you want a strict dress code when it comes to your accountant. Finally, Jason is trying to eat healthier. He thinks this means he should eat more cheese. Steve tells him why that’s dumb.
Do you keep haunted stuffed elephants under your stairs? Is your co-worker secretly (or openly) a huge beanie enthusiast? Is Steve angry at Jason for liking scarves so much? The answer to these questions and more is up for you to come up with, because Today, I Learned Nothing.
Jason hates his body, so you get his review of Taco Bell’s Naked Chicken Chips as well as McDonald’s Signature Crafted Recipes. Meanwhile, Steve thinks he found a brothel and is ready to explain the intricacies of erotic massage to his co-host. Finally, comic shops are known for a wide array of varietals in flatulence. But what do you do when the comic shop owner is the most flatulent one of all?
Ever hear of a penguin who falls in love with a human woman? How about a cartoon representation of one? Also, bridges are terrifying to some, but traumatizing to all who have gotten their heads stuck in one. Finally, Jason’s robotic childhood was robbed of many seminal, heart-wrenching moments. Let’s make him relive them now!
Steve attended Sakuracon and wondered just how different we all are, really. He also discovered adaptive homeless people, which really sounds like some promising tech. Jason, meanwhile, besmirches anime and usually falls asleep before he can watch enough to form a cohesive argument.
When it comes to vomiting, it’s best to act like a Boy Scout and be prepared. Also, are all Target bathroom sinks designed to spray your crotch? Jason investigates. Also, Steve and his son are especially adept at finding dead men in bathrooms. Use this knowledge to determine when or if you will accompany them to the can.
Autocorrect is judging Jason, and he doesn’t appreciate the judgment. Steve is going out to the ballgame, and he only wants peanuts and … grasshoppers? Like, the insect? Also, priests might find it uncomfortable to take in an indie wrestling match. Shocker!